Jesus went to Pre-K

My first born, Owen, is starting Pre-K in a few short hours. Howwww is this happening? How is he old enough for this to be taking place? When I look at him, I see a four year old but I don’t comprehend that he is indeed, four. This is just all happening too fast. Way too fast. I look at him and see my first baby. I can still smell that newborn scent when I kiss his cheeks, my favorite spot where his jaw meets his ear. When he sleeps, his deep, steady breathing reminds me of those first, precious, few months and how he felt on my chest during naptime. His profile is still the same. I am failing to comprehend is he’s a growing boy who is excited for new adventures and is ready to make new friends. I know it’s time and he needs to spread his wings but my goodness it’s difficult to let him. I think the only thing motivating me to keep letting go is what his future would look like if I didn’t.

With every new step of motherhood, I find a new level of respect and admiration for Mary, Jesus’ momma. From the moment she knew she was pregnant she carried the extremely difficult task of mothering our Savior. Difficult? You know, most people choose to describe her role as a blessing, an honor, a privilege (all true); but, I tend to think her task was more along the lines of exhausting, heartbreaking and extremely difficult. Being told the Savior of the world was growing inside her must have been earth shaking, obviously. However, she stood up and bore Him boldly. He was her firstborn. He had a newborn scent. There was a spot on his face that was her favorite to kiss. He grew older. He had his first day of school. She dropped him off. Did she cry? Did she experience all the feelings that day? How did she do it? How did she have this earthly relationship with her Son, our Savior, and let him go? Then, of course, my mind goes to Jesus’ death and I can’t even deal. Just think if Mary had been a momma who refused to let go? What if she fought to keep Jesus close? To keep him sheltered and protected from the world he was sent to save. She let go and that gives me hope that I can too.

Owen is nowhere near a savior but I have hopes and visions of him being a Kingdom builder. I want him to love and serve God, his family, friends and community the way Jesus did. I want him to make a difference in the world. He can’t do any of these things if I keep ahold of him.

Tomorrow will come and go, and before I know it, he’ll be leaving for college and I will desperately want to be back here. So, I will enjoy it. I will take it all in. I will feel all the feels and cry all the tears. I will let go. He will impact his world and will leave his mark. After all, he and his siblings are my greatest marks.